The Letter (A Duet Post)

When you read someone like Troy you can’t help but be amazed by the ease and complexity in describing the most intense or painful moments. I have been mesmerized  by his cool view on life. So me, dreamer and poet , I could only try to imagine that someone like him would consider writing by my side. It started as a thought, then it became a dream, then a request and then it ended up like a post forged by two minds and souls.  I am honoured by his grip on reality added to my dreamer perspective.
Here’s the Duet, actually “The Letter”. And I invite you, after reading this post, to follow As Long As I’m Singing, the awesome blog belonging to an even more awesome Soul, Writer and Father: Troy.

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The Letter

Death sat at the edge of the bed, slack-jawed and stone-faced. Well, more stone-faced than usual; as the crumpled piece of paper formed an  impenetrable barrier between It and Its intended cache for this night.

Why had It done it? Why had It read that infernal letter in the first? An effortless matter, this should have been. Just one more soul, ready to be extracted. One more life, simply at its wick’s end.

And yet, this time was different. This time, as Death glowered over this weak and puny, yet oddly contented man, a strange new feeling came. A crawling, warming sensation previously unknown to It. Looking at this creature – this sheet-white man-ape of no previous regard – It felt something akin to what It imagined affection might be described as.

Utterly ridiculous!

Shivering, It dismissed the thought altogether and slowly rose from the bed, in order to do what It should have done in the first. But right before
doing so, It once again did what It shouldn’t have done in the first, and glanced at the letter once more.

That damned letter. With its presence, Death knew that this man-ape with the childish grin, would live on. Well, at least until it was her time to be taken too. Sighing resignedly, It stalked forth from the room, forever more trying to forget the words that It had read:

“My Love,

You have waited for me an eternity
Trying to see me in a million faces
Yet you never could, for it was not the time for us.
Tonight sleep peacefully knowing that the nightmare is over
And that I am on my way to you.
Tomorrow, when you will open your eyes
You will see my eyes mirroring you.
No pain, no chain, not even Death
Will stop me this time.
I thought I saw you millions of times
In millions of lives, my Love.
But every time I lost the illusion
Like a smoke scattered above the frozen waters of my broken heart.
For you were nowhere else but here all the time, waiting for me.
Tomorrow, when you will open your eyes
We will finally start to live.
Let the past die and rise from this tomb of agony
For Tomorrow is here
And I am coming.”

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Ela&Troy, 2013

The Light

Walking through the valley of changes
I slay my demons, thinking what I have become
One by one they fall by my side , one by one I leave them behind.

I question my steps as I mirror my face in the deep fountain of the past.
Oh how often I drank from these tears…
I must carry on without them till I can drink the morning dew.

I get away, run away, fly away from the darkness within
Nobody there to know how to take my armour off these bleeding wounds
Without making me scream. No wine or oil to pour on my sorrows.

Be still my soul, sigh and listen
You can hear the distant voice of angels
Promissing you the light to guide you back Home.

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memyselfandela, 2013

Love conquers all (a duet poem)

the scrapes and cuts of our childhood
broken bones that eventually healed
infatuations that bruised our hearts
someone helped us always to recover
love conquers all

 

dreams that evaporated in our adulthood
major surgeries upon our psyches
loves found and loves lost in technicolor
angels who carried us when we couldn’t go on
love conquers all

 

love comes and goes like a vagabond
wearing thousand faces, merging in every scene
yet only one soul can give us, on the path of life
that unforgettable look in the eyes
love conquers all

 

new chapters starting, new buds bursting
of all the eternal knowledge that reveals
that the scars on the wounded trees of our hearts
grow strong and become shields, so that
love conquers all

 

(Copyright)
By Dormis Aeternitas and memyselfandela, 05-13-2013

Link to Dormis Aeternitas- a wonderful Soul, Poet, Dreamer!

Past

 

Expell this endless frown
in a lifelong deportation
drop this demon fate
life is too loud
calling, calling
your burning lips
raw of all the kisses burried
in cold tombs of indifference
if there must be a dark chapter
write the death sentence for your past
in all the black venom letters you can gather
so that your next chapter can shine.

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memyselfandela, 2013

Time

Past. Present. Future.
Let it flow, bloom and shine
Neverending river
Over the heart of time.

Yesterday. Now. Tomorrow
Feel the weight of each day
Let no more waves of sorrow
Fall on your way.

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memyselfandela, 2013

Music for My Heart

Days of Light

This is where my heart used to crack every time
When you were never there for me
When I woke up alone and I breathed eons of solitude.

Behind this collar bone
Resides a muscle that you managed to break many times.
Not that you ever cared about it.

There was nothing harder than to look in your eyes
And find nobody at the other end.
But time flows and all my wounds are healing.

New days rise above full of light
Warm arms cover this battered soul of mine.
The memory of your broken dreams lives no longer here.

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memyselfandela, 2013

Black & White

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Music for My Heart

I was asked once what music I like and why…That is a big question for my soul.  It’s a million times easier for me to tell you what I eat for example…  But the music is such a deep part of me, I have been singing and listening to music all my life. And this music has been my companion through all sort of states of mind and feelings in time… All my humble life full of ups and mostly of downs…
I listen to so many genre of music. Classical music. Music from the ’50s. Music from the ’80s. Pop music. Folklore. Relaxation music…. almost all kinds of music….and here I come to what I love the most: Rock.
Why? Because it’s the music of unchained spirits, the music of free minds, the music of brave real people…
Tonight though I am going to share with you a humble of 21 songs that I absolutely love… Yet the list is huge… There’s also brilliant Romanian music in my list…
Here you have pieces of my heart.
Enjoy.

 

 

Epiphany

 

As a new day rises over me I find myself breathing and living and smiling. The level of physical pain I feel is not relevant, the number of tears I have cried also not. My heart is full of Love and Peace. And I am grateful for every single thing that I have experienced in my life, because I finally understand that every single thing was a lesson.
Yes, life goes on. Yes, I have let go. Yes, I have set myself free from all the things and people that have harmed me and have lowered the vibration of my soul by making me suffer. For all those people I have closed the doors left ajar. I have canceled all my dreams related to them. I have forgiven them. And I have let them go on their own paths. No more regrets, no more questions, no turning back, no more torture of my soul. I could not have done this without shutting the doors of my past sad experiences. Without ending the past and making room for a new day. Without drying my tears so that I can smile again.
I have been very busy these past days. Busy working and busy with my feelings and thoughts. Busy listening to my Heart.  I did not post much but I have learned incredibly much. I did not write for you my friends, but I did write in the book of my Heart and I did turn the page.
As I was in the depths of sorrow and pain some time ago I was wondering why all this pain happened to me. But these days and the light that has filled my soul have showed me that everything is a flowing process. That there’s no state of permanent pain and no condamnation to sorrow. That rather God closes for us some paths and door just to open for us the right ones. That we don’t lose anything and anyone in life, but we find ourselves and what is good for us.
I am a deeply religious soul, whoever reads my blog knows this. I have my sins and mistakes but I also have a heart full of love. And I accept humbly all the beauty and Love that God has given me. I always say that God is more present in our lives than we even imagine.  And He proved this to me so many times…

If there’s a word for this feeling, it is epiphany, it is the revelation of my complete heart and soul: I am Love.

Much love to you all.

Ela

 

Black & White

Image

Flight

Reblogged from memyselfandela:

Who am I
To tell you
What life is?
I have no idea,
I just feel.
I caress your forehead
So you can feel too …
Time stretches its lead feet
Over our shadows
And yet
It does not nail us completely …
You taught me to fly …
I have grown wings
In the heart …
Now when I will lift myself…

Read more… 7 more words

Wasted Sunsets

How many times I thought I found you and I was wrong
How many wasted sunsets, Love,
Such an emptiness behind my eyes.

How I longed to look in your eyes
And smile
Like a child.

One day I’ll hold your loving hand
With a full heart
No longer afraid to face the dawn.

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memyselfandela, 2013

Christ is Risen!!!! – Hristos a Inviat!!!

From the heart Hristos a Inviat !!! Christ is Risen!!!! for all Christian Orthodox  people who celebrate Holy Easter today!!! <3

Peace and Joy to you all!!! May God’s Love and Blessing follow you always!!!

 

I Wish You All A Great Day

 

Ask

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Silence

 

Simply Rock

 

Twin Supernovas

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The Kiss

 

Looking Through My Soul’s Lense

Long time ago I was striving with painting. I have never invested enough time and money in learning how to paint. I had less and less time. Life has taken its toll.

Yet I will always have the eye of an artist, I love beauty in all kinds of forms and I guess I could try to use my humble knowledge to create images that match what I write.

So, starting from tonight, from time to time, next to my poems and translations you will also see digital art. I hope you will enjoy it my dear friends.

Love and blessings to you all.

Ela.

Black & White

Image

Light

Ashes of my past still smoking, yet I refuse to lose my innocence
Nobody will break me or teach me how to hate.
Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

No chains around my heart, no limitations on my spirit.
The only everlasting love is the one you unconditionally give
True love needs no pretexts and is never postponed.

I have loved and I will always love
I’m in love and I will always give love
At the end of the road just remember me as a burning light.

memyselfandela, 2013

Bitter Moon – Stones In White

Stones In White

“I want to set on fire
my last shore when I don’t feel anymore
and the moon in black waters would be silent
to extinguish myself
carried by green waves into wide seas
alone as I was when I came.
I will pass
as if on white sheets you would close a circle
and your hand learns a different shape
I can forgive
or I can lie that oneday I can somehow forgive
when all that was mine will belong to someone else
to someone else
All the white stones
gather oblivion
and all that lives gets extinguished and dies
Black oblivion covers the trace
you are blood and clay, your life is one
You could
lie yourself that I will still be here somehow
but we know so well how to forget
If you want
to throw two stones in white, not to take them
in your thought let me be nothing anymore
All the white stones
gather oblivion
and all that lives gets extinguished and dies
Black oblivion covers the trace
you are blood and clay, your life is one”

Come Undone

Let the days fall
One by one
You are the one who chose
To come undone

And when you cry
In loneliness and sorrow
Ask yourself why
I was not your tomorrow

Gentle reminder
That you had a choice
It’s you who erased me
And my loving voice

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memyselfandela, 2013

Good Night World

” Sometimes we find things we’re not looking for
And we lose the sense of reason
Sometimes we lose what we are caring for
And then face the day without them

My life, my hope , my you

Sometimes we fail to say how hurt we are
When the word we fear speaks treason
Don’t wanna be there when my cupid dies
From a wound by his own arrow

Here’s to life, my hope, my you

I raise a glass and drown my sorrow
When I’m on my own
I dry my eyes on a shoulder
But it’s not my own
I cannot hold you
My tears are made of stone
I feel a tap on my shoulder
But tonight I dance alone”

Music for My Heart

New Day

Light decomposing in vibrations
Deep inside your shivering crystalline
Falling gently over shapes
Nested in your deep vivid imagination
While the turmoil of gentle thoughts
Pulls from beneath a surface of unseen
The shapes of an unbridled
New day

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memyselfandela, 2013

 

Masks

Art. The most intense form of individualism ever known.

Pure art filled his hungry eyes. Windows – paintings mirroring shreads of a huge reality, each another reason to run away from his own life and recreate it from scrap. Balconies – masks hiding millions of known faces, seductively passing him by in the night, leaving him only a whisper reminding him of her. All beautiful, but none real and shiny like the light in her eyes.

Masks. He looked up again at the building while lighting himself another cigarette, then continued his journey towards the day when he will meet her again.

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memyselfandela, 2013, Friday Fictioneers

Photo: Copyright -Kent Bonham

It’s a beautiful day

Your heart is a bloom
Let the energy flow through you
Feel it coming your way
Feel the love surrounding you
Feel the light lifting you
From this physical dimension of sorrow
There’s only one truth valid
It’s the truth of your beating heart

memyselfandela, 2013

Black & White & Goodnight

 

Simply Rock

Silence

Image

Love

Love, my love, how I miss your childish ways
How I miss the light in your eyes and the smile in the corner of your lips
All my blood drains from my veins when I’m here without you
All the colour in this world dies with me
You bear in your eyes all the blue of my sky,
All the sunshine I’ve lost, all the songs I can’t hear anymore.
You hold  somewhere all that was left of my heart.
Love, my love, how I miss you
I would give my life just to wake up again
In that night when I opened my eyes
And you were dreaming next to me.

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memyselfandela, 2013

Silence

 

 

Dream

I’m sitting alone drinking solitude,
Breathing my pain, collecting my thoughts
Shreds and pieces and images falling in the back of my mind without an end
In this empty room, in this cold space
Over this body of mine left without a heart.

The girl in black dress holding your arm
She was alive and she was all passion, in the beat of her heart
In her arms around you, in the smile in her voice
In her tears you’ve never seen and her kiss over your sleep
In the eyes turned to see you one more time before you were gone.

This poem of sorrow for the moments we had
Sounds sad, maybe even mad
Like the fading light in the eyes of a lunatic lover
Like the pain in the broken wings of an angel
That has fallen in abysses of nothingness the moment your love was nowhere to find.

My dream man is gone, now the story goes on
So what can I do with my life without you?
Broken by things I could not understand, by lies I have felt, by words unsaid,
You left me in the crevasse between the heaven in your words and the hell of your killing silence.
And you never tought me how to breath without you.

“I’m sitting alone, drinking alcohol
Writing a song about you
I know it’s so sad, maybe even mad
But I know what you do behind my back

You say you’re in love, in love with me
But I know that you’re lying to me

You say you’re in love, in love with me
But I know that you’re lying to me…”

Thank You!

Thank you.

Thank you to all the souls that have sent me their thoughts and support these days. I cannot tell you how much this means for me.

I cannot repay your kindness and goodness, may God return it to you when you most need it.

As for me, life goes on, with or without me.

Thank you.

Much love to you all,

Ela

The Unpredictable

Here I sit after few days that have stirred profoundly my existence. Unpredictable things happened lately in my real life, outside the internet.  I am left with few memories of eyes that I love, of holding hands and having to let go, of coming back home in an absolute sorrow with a heart squeezed by claws of pain that I’ve never experienced before in my life. Life has shaken my heart and soul, my memories, making me tumble to the ground and simply absolutely cry.
These days I have written my “Goodbye” post, as I wanted to leave WP for good. I have writen it, but not knowing if I am ready to post it or not I have saved it in my drafts. For what I feel right now deep in my heart is too cloudy and painful.
As I returned to my blog yesterday I was surprised to discover that WP has for some reason un-followed the blogs I used to read. I have no idea if all, but suddenly my email that used to be bombarded in the past by hundreds of updates from you all has become as silent as a grave. In fact my email was as quiet as the grave in my soul.
No, I don’t believe in coincidences. Maybe my soul has been so very shaken that the fact that I left my blog for few days has had this unexpected effect.
All I know is that when you have no orientation, no light in front of the eyes, when the sky tumbles upon your head, when you lose what you love the most, you can only stop and try to breathe. Maybe in life some things are meant to be lost, some paths to remain secret, some doors are meant to remain locked. Like answers that you ask for , that you would die for, but even if your life depends on them they never come.

Closed doors, shut windows, locked paths. And sorrow in between.
May your hearts be happy and your soul full of light.
Until I catch my breath again,
Ela.

Silence

Who could ever love you like I do?
Peeling off the layers of selfishness
With a pure burning heart
With a weeping soul
With the trust of a child
Opening for you the arms of the greatest love
To shelter you in the middle of the storm?
There’s no greater love than this
There will be no other shelter than my heart.
Nobody knows how I love you
Only my soul, and it’s silent.
Nobody will ever know how I love you
Only my heart, and it’s more silent than ever.

memyselfandela, 2013

Silence

 

Sunrise

Today like every day I keep my head up
Nobody knows of the fights that I fought,
Of the losses I live with, of the love I feel
Nobody but God understands the extent in which I’ve given myself in pieces.
I keep my head up and I know
That I’ve done my best
That I loved with all my heart
That I’ve been passionate and true
Never lukewarm, never shallow, never just half a measure.
Life is a perpetual change and I know
That if anything was meant to be part of my life
It will come to me, it will be part of me
And that things will fall into place.
I am peace and I’ve given peace
I am strength and I’ve given strength
I am passion and I’ve given passion
I am love and I’ve given so much love
From the moment I held a hand to the moment I embraced a heart
In innocent laughter or in absolute tears.
I am present in every moment
Burning like a candle at both ends
I stand for every word of love and care I have given
I erase every mistake I’ve ever made because I love so very much.
So today, like all days
The sun shines and rises above all
Above sorrow and hope,
Above pain, oblivion and broken heart,
Above smile and love.
May you all be blessed, may your heart be happy, may you be loved.
Ela.

Reflection

in this infinite universe
there will always be
a million roads, a million souls
countless eternities unsaid
endless floors of pain rising to heaven
but only one singular touch of grace
a single reflection of that moment
when our souls were one
when our tears mixed
when your heart was beating in mine
that immense energy flowing from me to you
my very heart and soul embracing you
with all that I could have ever given
when loving you was my finest hour
and you were the light of my eyes

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memyselfandela, 2013

Letting Go

The sun rises above this place

Unknown and painful and surreal

Place of lost memory and deep frozen heart

Of sad reality and dreams tumbled to the ground

Of mixed up feelings and pain that stabs deep inside

Yet in this hell I’ll imagine the pieces of my heart

Bloom.

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Memyselfandela, 2013

Black & White Memories

Silence

in silence
my fingers stroll over the letters
my hands have the same perfume like
tobacco leaves and tears
nobody knows from how deep
these thoughts gush out
these are no words, these are sighs
of a burning soul.

memyselfandela, 2013

The Simple Thought

The simple thought that you exist
Makes my heart smile
Like a glimpse of summer sunrise
Spreading silent
Over my eyes.

In quiet I put the finger of my soul
In the place where your heart beats
Just to make sure you’re there.
Rise and live, awaken and spread your wings
You are my miracle.

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memyselfandela, 2013

 

 

It’s A New Day

‘

Start your day thinking of positive things.

It’s the first day of the rest of your life.

Be grateful for the beauty and the angels watching over you.

 

Sleep

Before I lay myself to sleep
In places where noone keeps me
I check the time
To see if the seconds are still there.
It has been an eternity since your last kiss.

Sad hours linger
Not knowing if to come or go.
They would run to you
If only they could hear
The heavy sound of your footsteps.

In unparalleled moments
Time stretches  the solitude
Breaking me under its weight.
Your hand is no longer here
To turn my key.

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memyselfandela, 2013

See With Your Heart

If people would only learn
To listen to their heart
To see deeper than skin
Never allowing physical eyes
To fool them
If they would know
The burning power
Of the inner eye
Life would unfold
In front of them:
No more misery
No more pain
Only beauty and light.

memyselfandela, 2013

 

Set fire to the rain

We set fire to the rain
In those nights and days
With burning eyes, so in love
Our hearts dancing
In each others arms
In empty attics,  on wet roofs
Between the drops sliding on the windows
Facing our happiness

memyselfandela, 2013