Love, I never knew how to tell you
How much you’ve hurt me sometimes
I’ve always been there, open and true
Refusing to see the most obvious lies.
Hollow and upset, I’ve always done my best
To imagine a life for us, smile and be kind
But in the end it all felt like a test
And understanding you slipped out of my mind.
You’ll always be the one hunting for goals
I’ll still try to understand when you got lost
No mountain can fill the gap between our souls
Though you’ll always remain the one I love the most
Not often I have the privilege of having few days off. This was one of those days.
As I opened my eyes this morning I heard the rain tapping on my windows. After spending some time organizing my future days(phonecalls, writing lists, planning what I’m going to do) I drank my cup of tea and I started to listen to Luna Amara, and so my day became wonderful.
I took some time to translate the lyrics for a few of their songs and I reblogged an older post with translation. I feel that these guys are so very talented, poetic, profound, Romanian. Maybe that’s why I love them so much.
If you ask me what I like doing the most in my spare time, the answer is not complicated. I enjoy listening to music, reading a lot, translating, writing. I like exploring a lot because I’m as curious as a cat (and cat owners know what I mean 🙂 ) And if I would have even more time I would start painting again. I could not get into the mood to paint again since my teenage years. I guess I could not concentrate on it because life has consumed me in different ways.
I love exchanging thoughts with you, my friends, so here I am. Still there are many thoughts that I keep for myself, as you all do. I usually smoke alone, I am as quiet as the leaves of a tree. Some say it is not healthy. Yes, I know. But neither is this crazy life. So I will stick to smoking my thoughts.
We are all probably here to connect to others, to reach out for more information, more inspiration, more positive energy, to get a sort of recognition that we miss, or to disconnect from our every day life and the stress and the bitter experiences. It’s a good question, why are we all here? Is it just an accident? Is this life only a stage in evolutionism as some say, or are we here for a higher purpouse? Are we here by chance or by the hand of destiny?
The thought that passed my mind all day was: “We are all interconnected”. Time and space become a relative thing when we share thoughts and get to know each other. We are interconnected and I love and respect you all. I thank you all for visiting my blog, for sharing thoughts, for debating with me, for asking, for giving. After all, this is your blog, not mine.
I tried to imagine you all, distant yet near. Some that I know, some that I imagine. How was your day? What were your thoughts? What were your worries?
As a great friend of mine says “I hope life was kind to you today!”
This makes me smile because life is not only a summ of unpredictible things and disasters, but also an image of our own decisions, emotions and gestures. If we would realize it life would get sweeter.
500 words from the heart
“In the eye of a child,
In a subtle smile,
In the laughter of an old man that humbly prays
In a coffee from a too hard night
In a holway with asylum smell…
In a kind of a kiss,
In an unknown thought,
In a cup of tea and a mute good bye
You will find out, you will see…
In an innocent face
In a too kind gesture
In a pointless day that passes too slow
In the battered hands of an absent father
In a shooting star
In the aching wound
In shoulders stretched for surprise
you will find out, you will see…
You will find out and you will know and you will see
You will hear and touch and believe
You will scream your surprise and so, it will be yours!
In a game with the glass
In a pontless running away,
In separations and…
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The Bitter Moon – Blue
“From today I will not do anything anymore
I don’t want to stand up from the ground
I stay closed in my own head
it’s what I chose it’s what I want
I chose not to believe anymore
anything from what you allow me to see
nothing of your uniform
of your fists of your law
your beatings your frustration
breaking all on my face…
in your head I am nothing but
another minute and that’s all
you follow me but you don’t see me
you hear me talking but you don’t believe me
I also don’t believe that your gun
gives you any right upon me
and all I do is for you to be able
to give a sense to all your nothing
you’re just a human weaker worst…”
Luna Amara – Albastru
“De azi n-am sa mai fac nimic
de jos nu vreau sa ma ridic
stau inchis in capul meu
e ce-am ales e ce vreau eu
am ales sa nu mai cred
nimic din ce ma lasi sa vad
nimic din uniforma ta
din pumnii tai din legea ta
bataia ta frustrarea ta
se sparg acum de fata mea…
in capul tau nu sunt decat
decat un alt proces-verbal si-atat
ma urmaresti dar nu ma vezi
m-auzi vorbind dar nu ma crezi
nu cred nici eu ca arma ta
iti da vreun drept asupra mea
si tot ce fac e ca sa ai
un alt motiv mai bun sa dai
un sens la tot nimicul tau
esti doar un om mai slab mai rau… ”
translation : memyselfandela, 2012
There’s nothing left to take or give, nor to understand. All is ended and I return back to myself. Heavy silences crash over me and there’s nothing around but chaos, dead sounds, fragments of memories and moments falling on my shoulders like ashes from the sky.
Between you and me misteries burst rising like an endless forest just to separate us forever. You talk no more. Distruction is the taste. But I will never vanish tamed, voiceless or transparent. I am awake. If silence is what follows so be it. We will both enter this silence. From a distance. Broken.
Do you think that I’m weak if I weep?
Who said that life is anything but blue
Or that nights are made for the sleep?
I have never forgot how to kiss you.
Luna Amara/The Bitter Moon – In Cercuri/In Circles
“there’s nothing to give to take and I return in us
I look for a second to hide me in soft silences
I know that in ths chaos is a rest and that in rest there’s a dead sound
but my love, my surprise, I cannot always stand
only you, me not
engraved in circle I accompany you and i save you of all that’s blind
beyond clouds beyond dawn i sip poisons
between us and I there are many keys and so many doors to break
and by the gates so many dead and I try to share them
just you, me not
your face painted badly and three knives I have dreamed
sad masacre necessary simulation and good for adoration
the circle has closed and all that’s dream now has happened in you
just you, me not
all that is unspoken
and in the black silence we will hold by the hand
a diferent kind of drog
and I will not pray
I will not try to make them understand”
“nu mai e nimic de dat nimic de luat si eu-ntorc in noi
caut o secunda sa m-ascunda de aceste linisti moi
stiu ca-n acest haos e-un repaos si-n repaos e un sunet mort
dar iubirea mea, mirarea mea, nu pot mereu sa il suport
doar tu eu nu
incrustat in cerc eu te petrec si te salvez de tot ce-i orb
dincolo de nori dincolo de zori otravuri eu sorb
intre noi si eu sunt multe chei si-atat de multe usi de spart
si pe langa porti atatia morti si eu incerc sa ii impart
doar tu eu nu
chipul tau vopsit a rau si trei cutite am visat
trist masacru simulacru necesar si bun de adorat
si pe langa usi sunt doar cenusi pe care le-am gustat
cercul s-a inchis si tot ce-i vis acum in tine s-a-ntamplat
doar tu eu nu
tot ce-i nespus
o sa moara supus
si-n linistea neagra de mana vom duce
un altfel de drog
si n-am sa ma rog
n-am sa incerc sa ii fac sa-nteleaga”
Luna Amara/ The Bitter Moon – In Gol/ In Emptiness
“I stay to listen how you throw
Great words like mud waves
I know how to listen to you when you try
Your tongue in purple blood to drown
I can help you if you want
To take the first stone from the ground
I want you to feel my heavy temples
Fallen in emptiness under your stone
I’m not rising words in the wind
My crucified tongue is silent in the song
You are a passing evil
Mediocre, false, deceptive
Blind if you were, I would amaze you
Of blood, through your eardrums I would empty you
Don’t try to understand
Your guilt is that you wanted to knot, not to untie
I know, it’s hard for you to understand
Simple things, natural events
We conspire to steal you
your precious poisonous nothing
Yes, we are everywhere
Lurking shadows in your world
But we only have one role
To watch you as you throw yourself into the emptiness
Even if I would want to forgive your nothing
I cannot lie anymore
That I’m sorry
That you’re sorry
You should be sorry…”
“Stau sa te-aud cum arunci
Vorbe mari ca valuri de noroi.
Stiu sa te-ascult cand incerci,
Limba-n sange vanat sa-ti ineci.
Pot sa te-ajut, daca vrei,
Prima piatra de pe jos s-o iei.
Vreau sa imi simti tampla grea,
Rasturnata-n gol sub piatra ta.
Eu nu ridic vorbe-n vant,
Rastignita-mi limba tace-n cant.
Tu esti un rau trecator,
Mediocru, fals, amagitor.
Orb de ai, te-as uimi.
De sange, prin timpane, te-as goli.
Nu cauta sa-ntelegi.
Vina ta-i ca-i vrut sa-nnozi, nu sa dezlegi.
Stiu, iti e greu sa-ntelegi
Lucruri simple, intamplari firesti.
Noi, conspiram sa-ti furam
Pretiosul tau nimic inveninat.
Da, noi suntem peste tot.
Umbre serpuite-n lumea ta.
Da, noi avem doar un rol:
Sa privim cum te arungi in gol.
Chiar de-as vrea sa iert nimicul tau
Nu mai pot sa mint
Ca-mi pare rau
Ca-ti pare rau
Sa-tï para rau…”
Luna Amara / The Bitter Moon – Versus
“today and yesterday
and all is left for you is only to ask
nights and a day
in which you don’t have a sense to exist anymore
burned and wet
of rains of fear your nude soul
do you remember-
of a crude air?
when we did not exist.
them and us
and there are no more angels and heroes
is shared to us by a very small devil
do you still know anything
about your mind
when it did not see?
when we did not exist.
extinguished – lit
of a lie that kept on spreading
can you- can’t you
take all with you in silences?
you get too tired
in your head
in what is bad
wouldn’t you try
to be surprised?
of all those
from when we did not exist.”
“azi şi ieri
şi tot ce ţi-a rămas e doar să ceri
nopţi şi-o zi
în care nu mai ai un sens de-a fi
cu capul sus
cu pumnul strâns
ars şi ud
de ploi de frică-n sufletul tău nud
te vezi în gând
– copil flămând
de-un aer crud?
atunci când nu eram.
ei şi noi
şi nu mai sunt nici îngeri nici eroi
tot – nimic
ne e-mpărţit de-un diavol foarte mic
mai ştii ceva
de mintea ta
când nu vedea?
atunci când nu eram.
stins – aprins
de o minciună ce s-a tot întins
poţi – nu poţi
cu tine în tăceri să-i duci pe toţi?
în capul tău
în ce e rău
n-ai vrea să-ncerci
să te mai miri?
de-atunci când nu eram.”
translations: memyselfandela, 2012