"Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.."- Antoine de Saint Exupéry

Archive for December 17, 2012

The Journal of Happiness, Nicolae Steinhardt (5)


After all I don’t even know  well if I broke it or not. Made out of crystal, thick. If I admit that I broke it, I’m telling the truth (the objective truth) and, once I spoke the truth, I must carry on and admit it all and so that Nego spoke like an enemy (That’s the whole purpose of this nightly meeting for investigation, in which she defends me so suspiciously careful, she hands me so friendly the rescue pole; for her, worthy of the highest grade  for memorising and unable to forget any detail, she’s jumping over ranks when it comes to me and my words from then, she forgets them or quotes only parts of them and answers : “Who told them? I can’t remember. Someone, someone of those present, I only know that they were pronounced … ”  This ” were “impersonal and neutral, as in logistics and in structuralism, oh how it is accomplice to me and how it demeans me.)

So, talking, I go into clarity and truth and there is no recess where I may cringe, I walk in the light zone, the hidden things dissapear instantly. Or, if I do not remember, if I psychologically make the gesture of detente and relaxation, I lose myself in the smoke of confusion, I lose myself in the loss of memory , I surrender to the sweet delirious of evanescence and then I admit again, I admit because now all is the same for me, because all is grey and the same , because nothing has meaning and precision. I enter the world of new novel and literature without characters: of IT , and of THEY and of the OTHERS, where SELF and HIMSELF perish, merge into the undifferentiated crowd. Personality (what’s that?) sprinkles finely crumble, passes all through the sieve.
Whatever I do, I’m lost.

You are lost, you are lost, rocks me softly  the tender rocker of fatigue and failure, of disgust, of wonder, of grateful friendship.(She just does all that she can do. She wants to help me. In the crystal facets sparkle the candles on the festive table.)
I am lost also because this was supposed to be my fate – that, not other. Am I not  a soiled guy, a loser, an old man in his concessions and yieldings, in shameful weddings, in grotesque sorrows, in pulses of envy, in bloody pride, in cravings always awake, sated but never met lofty and full, always crippled, is it not my rightful place among filth, among lukewarm, this restful toilet of renunciation and obedience, of confirmation of truth, is it really not the logical end of a long foul? What for to deceive myself on the far roads of pride and dignity? Inaccessible. The path is crossed forever.

– to be continued


translation: memyselfandela, 2012

Black & White

Dana Nalbaru – Am nimic fara tine

“Without you I only collect storms
Clouds of tears turn the flames into ashes
And I say
I have nothing without you …”

Apocalyptica feat. Till Lindemann – HELDEN / HEROES

Dedicated to all those fighting with their own demons, with a hard life, with solitude, with sickness, with discrimination, with pain.


Could you swim
Like dolphins
Like dolphins do it
When nobody gives us a chance
Still we can triumph
For ever and ever
And we are then heroes
For one day

I am then king
And you
You queen
Although they
Seem so unbeatable
We will be heroes
For one day
We are then heroes
For one day

I think I’m dreaming this
The wall on my back was cold
The shots tear the air
But still we kiss
As if nothing happens
And I have many on their side
Oh, we can strike them
For all times
Then we are heroes
Only this day
Then we are heroes
Then we are heroes
Then we are heroes
Only this day
Then we are heroes
Only for today”


translation: memyselfandela, 2012



in the gut
of this insane emptiness
there’s no voice to paint
the void, this painful
black and the white
lone long lost battles
quiet solitude


memyselfandela, 2012

somewhere, sometime, today


somewhere, sometime, today
you stepped out of my room, into the outer world

every moment when you stop by
feels like a borrowed forever

we will not rob eachother’s dreams,
nor words, nor feelings

you return like a sea that comes to find
a shore at the end of the world where lights collide


memyselfandela, 2012


Just one glance was enough
that look in your eyes
now all that is left
is to surrender

The waves of life carry us closer
like fallen leaves
let our heart on the course
of kismet

memyselfandela, 2012

Lady of Shalott

lady shalott

truly cursed this dying heart of mine
for God denied me in too many lives
to hold you in my arms and be with you.

truly sad every morning I wake
just for a glimpse of your shadow fading
towards other lives you’ve been sentenced to.

I am half sick of shadows and cannot see the sky
in this sad world where i must live without you
my heart endlessly bleeding for us being apart.

truly blessed be the unspoken day when we will meet
in another life, your hollow soul, my black heart
we’ll be rightfully whole again.


100 words

memyselfandela, 2012


Black & White


Ben E. King – Stand By Me