"Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.."- Antoine de Saint Exupéry

Love or Loss ?

There are many things one can say about love. We read many, we are told few by our parents, we witness some. Maybe the best and worst lessons are the ones we learn on our own. I have had in my life many people around and I have learned from them a lot. And one of the reasons why I have opened my blog a year ago was to share my feelings, thoughts and experience, I offer the world my blog so that maybe others can have an advice or a spark of motivation in their life in moments when they have none.

I’ve learned how one can live a lifetime with a bad partner only for the sake of the children. Poisonous combination that makes unhappy children. The poor parents think that they save their children, but never think how the poison and unhappiness inside that life together gets deep in their children’s souls. They have no idea how a child hears the most silent fights or senses the lack of love. I’ve seen only two types of children resulting from such unhappy  marriages: either very selfish ones, or too sensitive.
I’ve learned how one can look for love in a multitude of affairs because there’s no love at home. And yet that person never finds that love and the void in their heart grows more and more till it swallows them whole in an endless misery. Because when we only live for ourselves or our satisfaction we can never be happy.
I’ve learned how children that have received love in their childhood were capable of loving with all their heart while other children that  grew up in a violent home without love were not able to love, but gave others the same mess they received. I’ve met both, the kind ones were my friends in school, the bad ones have been the ones that have bullied me and others.
I’ve learned how love can sacrifice so very much just to save someone. I’ve lived and seen this very often, for out of love simple or great things have happened many times around me in this life. From a  door opened for a stranger to a path to healing given to a sick person or to shelter given when least expected in life.
I’ve learned how people can give up their happiness for the sake of their children. The greatest example is my mother, who has never thought of remarrying after the loss of my father and shared her whole life with me, her only child. That makes my mother in my eyes a saint, and maybe nobody has loved more their mother than I love mine. Yet I must say, I absolutely regret that she gave up her happiness, she would have deserved more than so many others to have a man that loves her and supports her in her tough life.
On my skin I’ve learned some lessons I don’t wish to anyone to learn. I’ve learned how much I could love someone that wanted to use me, abuse me, tried to change me or left me. It’s ironic how the kindest people seem to meet the worst, I’ve seen this often in life happening to good people. I have put all of my heart in every love that I shared, but the most painful moment has always been the one when I have lost my trust. When I looked that person in their eyes and tried to live with what they had said or done and could not understand how someone I loved so much could hurt me so and be so selfish and inconsiderate. That moment when your heart shatters, when you feel breathless with pain and betrayed is unspeakable.
How do you know if you’re truly loved? If they find reasons to keep you there but are never there for you, they don’t love you, they only love themselves. If they find pretexts for not doing the right things in that love or never keep their promisses they don’t love you. If they humiliate you, they don’t love you. If they never support you they don’t love you. If they need to put you down just to feel better about themselves they don’t love you. If you draw a line and all you see is pain in that love, you should turn around and go. Have a good look at the way that person makes you feel like. And you will know the answer.
When it comes to love I have found only two conclusions.
* Regardless of all the complications life can have , whoever loves you will climb any mountain, break himself in pieces , sacrifice himself or find the most unexpected solutions to be there for you . They will make you the center of their life and you will feel loved and even if they are not strong or perfect they will still do their best to become better.

If you’re sick, they will try to fix you. If you’re lonely, they will be there for you. If you need time they will give you time and patience. If you cannot trust they will make you trust again.
* Nobody, absolutely nobody deserves your tears. If they make you cry or can stand the simple thought of making you cry they are unworthy of your love.

This goes for the ladies:

You deserve a man that ruins your lipstick, not your mascara. The one that deserves your tears will not make you cry.”

Much love to you all,

Ela.

2 responses

  1. I’ve seen that all too often with couples marrying despite no passion for each other, only for the sake of the family pressure to create children. So sad for children to grow up like that and receive the ideology that marriage has no foundation of true love.

    March 19, 2013 at 05:40

    • Well unfortunately that’s how it is in many situations. It breaks my heart to say how many unhappy parents with children I know and how that affects the poor children. Sure they have shelter, food and clothes and they are loved, but the fact that the parents cannot stand each other anymore will definitely live a black imprint on those little innocent souls.
      Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thought dear Frances.

      March 19, 2013 at 05:46

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