"Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.."- Antoine de Saint Exupéry

The Unpredictable

ela

Here I sit after few days that have stirred profoundly my existence. Unpredictable things happened lately in my real life, outside the internet.  I am left with few memories of eyes that I love, of holding hands and having to let go, of coming back home in an absolute sorrow with a heart squeezed by claws of pain that I’ve never experienced before in my life. Life has shaken my heart and soul, my memories, making me tumble to the ground and simply absolutely cry.
These days I have written my “Goodbye” post, as I wanted to leave WP for good. I have writen it, but not knowing if I am ready to post it or not I have saved it in my drafts. For what I feel right now deep in my heart is too cloudy and painful.
As I returned to my blog yesterday I was surprised to discover that WP has for some reason un-followed the blogs I used to read. I have no idea if all, but suddenly my email that used to be bombarded in the past by hundreds of updates from you all has become as silent as a grave. In fact my email was as quiet as the grave in my soul.
No, I don’t believe in coincidences. Maybe my soul has been so very shaken that the fact that I left my blog for few days has had this unexpected effect.
All I know is that when you have no orientation, no light in front of the eyes, when the sky tumbles upon your head, when you lose what you love the most, you can only stop and try to breathe. Maybe in life some things are meant to be lost, some paths to remain secret, some doors are meant to remain locked. Like answers that you ask for , that you would die for, but even if your life depends on them they never come.

Closed doors, shut windows, locked paths. And sorrow in between.
May your hearts be happy and your soul full of light.
Until I catch my breath again,
Ela.

9 responses

  1. The loss of the followed could as well ne simply a bug on their systems. These things happen quite often as no coding is perfect, and most are in fact, quite flawed.

    April 28, 2013 at 15:27

    • Thank you Gryphon, you might be right my friend.

      May 3, 2013 at 16:24

  2. Mine did that the other day. Nearly 600 blogs unfollowed and I had to go back to click them all back on again.

    Remember Ela, everything has it’s time. It doesn’t help, I know. There is a reason for everything to happen at a particular time.

    I do not know what it is that you have lost, but it seems to be a major upset. Your last couple of posts have hinted at such unhappiness. When you receive the email to say that you have this message, it will have my email address. If you need to talk to someone, email me.

    I hope everything is alright Ela

    April 28, 2013 at 16:40

  3. deadpoetdormis2

    hi Ela, very sorry to hear this. Life just sucks sometimes, and sometimes far more than others. As you know, I was going to exit last weekend from WP but decided to stay. Give it some time. It can be a good outlet for your emotions but can be a double-edged sword too. Time will tell what is best to do. Try to breath and get re-centered. But do what is best for your psyche – sometimes what feels best is actually the worst we can do for ourselves. I still may leave here and never return… Take care.

    April 28, 2013 at 17:55

  4. Ela, it sounds as if you’ve been in a very sad place. Be strong, as you so often have told me. Know that I am sending the best of thoughts across the ocean to buoy you up. Try to find some peace.

    April 28, 2013 at 19:38

  5. t

    Dear Ela, please catch your breath and (hopefully) return to us once you do.

    Until then, I will keep you in my prayers – thank you for beng such a positive force in my life, sister >. <

    April 28, 2013 at 23:04

  6. Fredrik Kayser

    Turmoil is the harshest if teachers, take the time you need to do the things you need to do, see what fate has in store. Ultimately, you’ll end up touching people’s hearts no matter what you do. Of that I’m sure. 🙂

    April 29, 2013 at 13:54

  7. Ela I can feel your pain here. I am so sorry and wish I could help somehow. Please know you are in my heart while you confront this challenge — I hope you return and let us know you are beginning again…. Sending you much Love ~ x RL

    April 29, 2013 at 18:02

    • Thank you so much my dear friend. ❤

      May 3, 2013 at 16:24

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