"Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.."- Antoine de Saint Exupéry

The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea At 36

What is life dear friends? Is it a journey, a lesson or a choice? To me it’s all and so much more. I am 36 now and grateful to have met and known each one of you. I am honored by each one of you stopping by to read for a moment in time the imprint of my existence here, in this virtual space that can sometimes be a million times more real and intense than the indifferent reality in which many don’t think, don’t stop, don’t feel. These are thoughts coming from the depths of a mind that you have always heard, but whose bodily envelope you have never got the chance to see till today. This is my tribute to you all and especially to the most unique loners and thinkers I have had the honor to meet through this wonderful expression channel offered by WordPress.

When it comes to life and feelings I have made quite an adventurous journey so far. I know that most of you have been through similar experiences, some of them known to me. I may not know you all, my dear friends sharing this lonesome island of thought with me, but what I know is that my experience is just as unique as my fingerprints, and all of you are just as unique.

My life has started in my early years with the naive me discovering the world in all aspects. Just like you have all done it. But because I was pretty much a loner even then, I have taken in the colors, feelings and characters around me on a more intense note. And in time I found out that there are not many capable of sharing the same intensity of life like me. But it was then when I have also met my darkness and fears, and so I have wasted a lot of time of my life swinging between the devil and the deep blue sea.

It was hard to allow the outer world inside my own world. The most painful was to give something of me to many that have never understood who I am and what hides behind the green of my eyes. That because they were too busy to judge me using units of measure that are far too conventional for the ineffable in me.

The beauty of life has unfolded under my eyes later when I have accepted myself for who I was. When i have embraced my solitude knowing that it will bring me in the end to the best in me. And my solitude has been the greatest teacher and one of the most profound states of mind I have been through.

Just like many other people I have mourned for a lost love or a lost past until the day when I  understood that whatever has happened was for a reason. That behind the loss hides the chance to change. Not the world, but myself. Not to die, but to grow. Not to freeze, but to develop. Not to stagnate, but to complete myself.

At the end of that labyrinth I have found that my soul has become my mate and that I am truly my best friend. That was the epiphany of inner balance, me becoming what God has created me to be, the best me, the sensitive me, the passionate me embracing life and capable to absorb and distill it just to offer it in the form of an essence that carries across my own soul.

Every day brings the promise of a new beginning. We don’t need to regret anything, whatever happened was meant to be. And it was meant to be part of our inner growth, mental awakening of heart blooming. I see every day as the first day of the rest of my life. And at this point in my life I embrace both the devil and the deep blue sea. The little devil of wild feelings and thoughts I have tamed in me and the deep blue sea of living, two extremes opposed at the beginning of my existence, but two sides of the same coin that has always been my soul, fallen on the bottom of this ocean called life.
ela2memyselfandela, September 2013

8 responses

  1. It’s your birthday? Happiness and joy for you!

    September 7, 2013 at 04:48

    • Es war mein Geburtstag am 3. September, Bruder.
      Aber es war mehr der Tag meiner Freiheit. Freiheit meiner Seele. Ich bin frei. Ich bin lebendig. Ich habe alles was ich brauche. Endlich. Got sei Dank.

      September 7, 2013 at 16:35

  2. Your face, and most especially THOSE EYES (my god!) reflect the person that I read in those words so perfectly, it’s like the embodiment of the saying A picture is worth a thousand words. With grace and eloquence no less. Thank you, for such a beautiful, accepting and honest glimpse into your soul. I will be saving this one, and will read it for inspiration when I start feeling too much of a tug to one side or the other, to remind me to shake hands with the devil and take a plunge into the deep blue sea. You are beautiful.

    September 7, 2013 at 14:12

    • I have not dared to show my face for a long time, but I think at this age I have put my fears and prejudice aside. I am not different than you or other people, just a lost soul in am ocean of souls.
      It is a glimpse in my soul , and it’s only a fair thing to share with this world, as I have been always the one to tell others to live without fears and with passion. I have shaken hands with quite a few devils just to be able to tame them. And I did and still do plunge in the deep sea of this existence, regardless of any fears, but breathing deeper in the amazement and gift of being alive. Inside and out. 😀
      Thank you so much my dear wonderful beautiful friend.
      >:)< Thank you!!!

      September 7, 2013 at 16:42

  3. love ist the wind with that we are sailing on this wild sea called life. and freedom is the core of love, they are twins and they can not live one without the other.
    All the best to you Ela!
    God blessed you!

    September 8, 2013 at 05:10

    • Thank you my dear brother!!!! 😀
      God bless you too, always!!!

      September 12, 2013 at 23:33

  4. Fredrik Kayser

    In some ways this is not the first time we see you, Ela, but it is nice to finally see you! 🙂
    Fearless eyes and green smile! ^^

    September 8, 2013 at 15:48

    • Fearless and green… 😀 Thank you so much bro!!!! 😀

      September 12, 2013 at 23:30

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s