Shades… A million shades… The afternoon was made out of so many shades between the black and the white.
The sky was not perfectly blue, the heart was not perfectly light, the hope was not really a hope.
If it would have been love or no love at all, all would have been so simple, but the heart was flooded by all those shades of colors and feelings and electricity boldly lingering in their touch. It was a delirium of things and images passing before her eyes while she was processing the remains of the previous days.
“Why is life not simple like in those romantic movies where all is fine?” was the thought lingering in her mind while watching him stop in front of another little shop, with the amazement of a child that has just seen something he was hoping to discover for a lifetime.
Entering the shop she realized that it would make a beautiful present to compensate his birthday. She missed it, it’s true, but not because she didn’t care, but because she didn’t know him yet back then. But still, she would have loved to have been there with him that day, and in her heart she was.
He loved them all. It’s true, they were all beautiful ties, hand made, real, just like he loved to feel authentic and sharp and real…
With a smile in the corner of her soul she sent him to have a look in the back of the store while she took the tie he had admired in the very first moment. 69 pounds, that was the price. It was perfect. The colors were perfect, shades of color, shades of life. The price spoke volumes. To him it would have probably meant an erotic thing, but to her it was a tangible translation of the moon dust trapped inside their bones, of their breath as they were kissing and talking about the muses watching over their love, of the raise and fall of their entwined souls, or the incarnation of all the things that were present in that very second when she wished him happy birthday, now, better later than never.
In the back of her mind there was only a song lingering talking about the raise and fall of the same moon dust that was still shining in his eyes just like that night when they have met the first time, not even knowing if tomorrow will ever come or if there will be a chance for another minute together.
The day was fading, in the corridors of the city, in the tunnels covered in graffiti, as the two lovers were getting back from a city adventure that meant all and nothing, while lights were shining on the side of the road, like fireflies dancing songs known only to themselves.
And the light was dying in millions of shades of obscurity, while the moon, all alone, saw the loneliness crawling back in the souls of the eternal loners.
500 words, memyselfandela, September 2013
It was flowing, vivid, all over my back. Warm. Dribbling. Unceasingly. Waking me up from the tiredness. Waking me up from my own death. Lingering on my spine. Giving me the shivers. Flowing , caressing my skin, and from my skin penetrating inside my tired bones, and from my bones penetrating like an echo in my very soul, echo lingering between the end and beginning of me and between the walls of my solitude… The shower revived me, but it was a fading reminder of your hand. Your hand, lingering in my soul. Your hand, touching decaying flesh but ending in the core of what I used to remember as being me.
Life is a flow. It has been a lot of emotion flooding. It has been a lot of tears drowning me. It has been a lot of paddling alone on a sea of solitude. From the moment I opened my eyes without worries in this world to the point where I was scattered in million painful pieces wondering each if they still belong together or if they should stay forever apart. Life is a flow, just like the time. The time in the sand glass has ended. I have turned it. Now all flows backwards, now my heart fills up with the touch of your longing hand.
In the dark corner of a lost pub we are listening to seagulls screaming on the quay. The waves kiss passionately roaring behind metal bars imagined to keep us safe. An old couple eats supper while we share the taste of light and color. It smells like chocolate brownies and vanilla ice cream. It tastes like heaven and rain, like beads of sweat on your upper lip melted by my lips kissing your very soul. It smells like heaven and you smile beautiful like a rainbow.
300 words, memyselfandela, August 2013
time has no longer price
the wasted time will never come back
the wasted love will never heal
the broken dreams will never get resuscitated.
if this was a crossroad of life
you should carefully think which direction to follow
hope cannot be easily found
and not many roads lead to it.
I have lost you a long time ago
you and your kiss bold as the green apples
but in a dream I’ll wait for you
until I have no more reason to wait anymore.
“The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss.” Dugutigui
People speak so many words in order to express feelings, yet I gave up on words when I realized that verbalization tends to often be a waste. I don’t believe in words anymore. Sure they’re beautiful, but there is a huge difference between saying and doing things. Like the difference between the cold perfect roses bought in a flower shop only on Valentine’s day and the simple wild rose picked from a fence and brought as a surprise in the evening just to steal a kiss from your lover. You see, it’s true, nothing is more articulate than a kiss.
100 words, memyselfandela – August 2013
Anger? Hate? What would be the perfect word to carve into my arm? What do I allocate this tender, fleshy space between my elbow and my wrist to? No, this is no place for lamentations… Love? Peace and Light? No, I should tattoo that I love you, that I love your feet and your heart. Your big feet. And that I live for those moments when all I want to hear is my little breath next to the amazing sound of your thumping heartbeat.
I had to sigh a million times till I could finally start to breathe… Breathe with my heart and soul , not only with my lungs… LIVE , not only biologically exist… Embrace my intense feelings, not only feel and get crushed underneath them… And what I found out is that in a lifetime we break and fall a million times, but baby, sometimes after we fall, we can finally fly…
memyselfandela, July 2013
It’s dark and I really don’t care. I feel your hand holding mine and we have all we need. We don’t even talk and we have all we need. I have the taste of your lips on mine and I cannot stop smiling uncontrolled. It’s long after midnight. The moon smiles with a white powdered face glowing at us. On the way home your arm holds my shoulders and I put my arm around you. Tipsy and happy we return home. Home is a place in Heaven. We are.
memyselfandela, July 2013
” Three matches one by one struck in the night
The first to see your face in its entirety
The second to see your eyes
The last to see your mouth
And the darkness all around to remind me of all these
As I hold you in my arms.”
I don’t know how to tell you
All that I feel for you
Only my breath touching your breath
Gets close to this truth.
I dive in my heart
To spend time with my feelings.
I love them all, I embrace them and heal them
And set them all free.
Beyond dark days and hardship
I rise like a sun to guide you
My lighthouse shines for you in starless nights
So that you can find your way.
Don’t try to understand
The mystery that feeds this light
Just embrace it and smile
For it’s alive and real.
memyselfandela, June 2013
Life in the volcanos waiting to burst under our skin
Closeness, ignited blaze
Instilled in our body and blood
Crashed forces creating anew
The beginning blast.
No deep red can shape the intense presence
Of our quietly being one
No vermilion words close to this embrace
No symphony ever like your calling my name
You are the one for me.
Flame between our ravenous eyes
Smile blooming on our poppy lips
Early dawn of love
Burning us, holding us, dancing us
memyselfandela, June 2013
Expell this endless frown
in a lifelong deportation
drop this demon fate
life is too loud
your burning lips
raw of all the kisses burried
in cold tombs of indifference
if there must be a dark chapter
write the death sentence for your past
in all the black venom letters you can gather
so that your next chapter can shine.
Before I lay myself to sleep
In places where noone keeps me
I check the time
To see if the seconds are still there.
It has been an eternity since your last kiss.
Sad hours linger
Not knowing if to come or go.
They would run to you
If only they could hear
The heavy sound of your footsteps.
In unparalleled moments
Time stretches the solitude
Breaking me under its weight.
Your hand is no longer here
To turn my key.
my love lost in another world, the desert sends you endless waves of sand
in the cold night when you sail from shore to shore asking
mermaids and bards and lonely women and shamans and the fata morgana
for the absolute beauty and the golden wool
seeds of whispers get born on my silent lips as I try to get you out of the corners
of this universe, me undressed of day dreaming, you covered in dreams
that cannot get real because you don’t set them free while you linger too long
in the chaotic nightmare hammered in screaming ancient walls
the springs of my soul search for the sky in your never seen eyes
so that the day when you’ll find your way back to me
you won’t step on the blaze of our burning hearts
while you’ll break my life in two with a kiss
cradled in the sound of melted dew on your temples
and popping buds of daffodils that cannot wait for the sun to rise
restless like your heart, scattered like my mind
passionately madly alive
like the smile in you eyes and our kiss raw with love…
there’s no knife here,
it’s only us.
I need no forgiveness for being myself, I love you the best
There’s nothing that can cool this burning heart of mine
I’ve lost it all and found it all with you in my arms
I have no name, I am you and you are my love
You have no other, you are me and I am your passion
No matter where our footsteps go we will always return to us.
As I kiss your lips
I get lost in your sweetness
I can’t get enough
You are the light of my eyes
The one star on my deep dark skies
You’re my reason when I have none
And my hope when all smile is gone
You’re the one that keeps me alive
And the only one that can revive
My core and bring it in the light
Or calm my restless soul at night
I’ve loved you so from the first day
I love you so much more today
And beyond all this life’s black sorrow
I’ll love you so much more tomorrow.
tapping against my window
a patter of distant thoughts
coming from you
streaming from me
as they crash on the window
all fades and
we quietly kiss
I’ve just kissed you, yet seeing you go
makes it feel like eternity till
you’ll be back here again.
Feelings are heavy for my shoulders to bear
still I find the ground before I start falling
just to catch my breath.
Breathe, yes, breathe.
Don’t forget to breath, love,
I’m so in love with you.